Welcome back reader!
I’m glad you made it. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, as usual, the recipe.
500g Arnott’s Choc Ripple Biscuits (Cookies for those of you in the US)
125g Regular, salted butter, melted.
1kg of Philadelphia Cream Cheese (Let it get to room temp)
2/3 cup of white castor sugar
1 Tbsp Queen’s Vanilla Extract
1 FRESH Vanilla Bean. It should be flexible.
300ml of full fat thickened cream
1/4 cup of full cream milk
Up to 100ml Lemon juice (for tasting. Do NOT add it all at once!)
1.5Tbsp Gelatin Powder + 150ml just under boiling temp water.
A bunch of Oreos. Depending on the size of your cake tin, you’ll be able to get a whole bunch of them into this cheesecake. For my 3.5L round tin, I can manage to sneak 78 into it… I’ve practiced a few times.
1. Mixing tools. I use a Kitchenaid Artisan Stand Mixer with a scraping attachment, but anything that can hold that much filling is fine. Use an old oil drum and a shovel if you’re feeding 400 people. Although I’d consider cleaning it out first.
2. Something to break down the biscuits for the base. I use a food processor, but a mortar and pestle works too.
3. For the measurements in this recipe, a 15L cake tin. But divide as you need.
1. Preheat your oven to 160C.
2. Take your lovely, new Choc Ripple biscuits and transcend them from regular biscuits, into their ascended form of existence. Powder for your cheesecake base.
3. Melt the butter and combine with the choc base.
4. Press this mixture into the cake base and set a timer for 8 minutes. Then, go for a run, do some weights, re-enact your favourite scene from Mission Impossible or donate blood! As long as the base bakes for 8 minutes. If you fancy a little burned chocolate taste, (lightly done, it can taste amazing) then bake the base for 10 minutes, not 8.
5. Using one of those dog-ball throwing arms, hurl your cream cheese, sugar, vanilla extract and thickened cream into your mixing bowl and … well, mix them until they’re thoroughly combined. If you were naughty and didn’t take the cream cheese out of the fridge ahead of time, I am supremely disappointed. However, it just means you have to spend extra time mixing. We do NOT want any tiny chunks of un-mixed cream cheese in there, that’s just nasty to taste in the middle of a sweet dessert.
6. Cut the vanilla bean in half, and bend it open to expose the inside of the skin, with all the little vanilla specs inside it. Scrape the insides out with a knife, and add it to your mixture and mix them in thoroughly.
7. Now. This next step is very subjective. We’re going to use small, measured amounts of lemon juice to ‘activate’ the filling. Add in 1 tablespoon at a time, and mix thoroughly. This will activate your cake filling to your pallet. It will taste good, then great, then absolutely perfect. This step is all about your taste buds. Please, stop when it reaches your taste buds idea of perfection, we’re not making a lemon tart… If you want a lemon tart, wait for when I cook one and I’ll post another blog page for you.
8. Now that you have your mixture, prepare what you’re about to do because it is slightly time sensitive as it will start setting as soon as you’ve added your setting agent. (The Gelatin Powder)
a) Cut a bunch of Oreo’s in half. You’ll use the long edge to line the edge of the tin.
b) Get a little work station going, making sure there is space for the filling, the cake tin, your cut Oreo’s and your whole ones.
9. Mix your gelatin powder and water with a fork or whisk. This stuff is bitter to taste, so please strain it through a flour sifter on the way into the filling. Mix this thoroughly. (I know I’ve been using that word a lot here, but it’s the most suitable word.)
9. Pour a layer of filling over the base and use a Pallet knife or spatula to spread it out evenly.
10. Put a layer of Oreo’s on/in the filling, starting with your halved pieces to do the edge and using the whole ones to do the inner bits.
11. Repeat step 9.
12. Repeat step 10.
13. If you have the space in your tin for another layer, repeat step 9 and obviously, step 10.
14. If you do NOT have the space, eat the extra Oreo’s to drown your sorrows and move onto step 15.
15. After doing your last layer of Oreo’s, do a final layer of filling. Spread it out evenly and if you’ve got some Oreo dust left over from chopping them in half, spread it over the top so it looks pretty… Or make inappropriate shapes and really give your mother in law something to gasp over.
15b. (Optional!) Cover the top with extra, ground up bits of Choc Ripple, or Oreo. If you do this and want a nice, uniform surface, use a flour sifter and tap it against your hand, over the cake while the filling is fresh and hasn’t set yet. The dust layer will easily absorb the filling and become soft, so you won’t get any unexpected crunch.
16. Cover the mixture with cling wrap and place it into the fridge to set. Ideally, you’ll want it in there for 24-36 hours to make sure it’s uniformly set, but I’ve done this cake with 12-16 hours of setting time in the fridge, and it’s absolutely fine. A chef can tell the difference, but I can’t.
That’s it! It’s super easy.
If you’d like to do portion control, then you can easily do this recipe in cupcake patty’s and reduce the baking time of the base from 8 minutes, to 3-4 minutes. Then use a spoon to dollop (…… I LOVE that word…) some filling onto the base and place one whole Oreo onto it, before covering with more filling. Cover with cling wrap and refrigerate. You now have measured portions to ensure ….. Oh who am I kidding. We both know that if it hits the spot, you’ll eat 6 of the mini version with your morning coffee. I’m not judging, I just believe in honesty.
17. (not recommended) Stay up way too late writing a blog and forget that you needed to clean up the kitchen earlier than 1am. Then go clean the kitchen while trying not to wake up your newborn child and wife… Who is exceptionally pissed off that you didn’t clean it earlier.
*Pr0metheus reads step 17 again, sweating profusely.*